Oscars Grouch

Even though the Oscars seem to get more and more bland and predictable each year, I find myself compelled to watch. The usual hubbub draws me in, the dresses, the tuxes, the dates, the fancy party stuff, actors behaving poorly, actors behaving well, all of that rot. And while I have no real faith in the mysterious Academy or their ability to judge films, I'm always secretly hoping that my favorites will win.

This year's awards were quite boring, which is such a shame, as there were several exciting films up for Oscars, and the hosts were two young current Hollywood elite. Sadly, the show was a total snoozer. James Franco and Anne Hathaway have both proved their talent as actors, Hathaway most notably in Rachel Getting Married, and Franco in various roles ranging from the comedic absurd to the realistic/dramatic, but have yet to convince me they should be hosts. The chemistry between the two could be loosely described as the vivacious, bubbly beauty and the scrunchy-faced, wry, handsome straight. The trouble is, most of the focus was on beauty and handsome. The writing for these actors (not comedians) was bland and over-processed. It was a lot of speaking bologna and smiling. There was one "wild" moment where Hathaway came out in a tux, and Franco popped up in a dress, and that seemed to be the delight of the evening, but was overshadowed by the fact that it caused the show to peak too soon, and in a rather uninspiring way, considering Some Like it Hot was released in 1959 (which reinforces my theory that the fifties were the most radical decade in Hollywood filmmaking).

Coincidentally, the show's wildest character came in the form of the ancient stroke-damaged Kirk Douglas, whose comic timing blew both Franco and Hathaway out of the water. Even five seconds from Justin Timberlake, boldly and successfully riffing on Douglas's performance, made Franco and Hathaway appear to have all the charisma of anxious stage parents. Then, as if to truly bury their chances at successful hosting, the Academy chose to feature a few minutes, extraordinarily funny in comparison to Franco and Hathaway, of veteran Billy Crystal who introduced a hologram of Bob Hope. Oh, mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head... I believe that most of the responsibility for providing the energy fell on Hathaway, and while I don't think she was a total failure, I just don't think she has the experience in Hollywood to be as funny or as risky as an entertaining Oscars demands. She has at least a few years of work ahead of her, and after the debacle with her diamond-collar criminal ex-fiance, even if she had the goods to really rib her fellow actors and filmmakers, or even herself, she would have looked ungrateful and disloyal. It's a shame.

The Academy Award winners were all talented and deserving, but there were no surprises. I hoped with all my might that Darren Aronofsky would win for the brilliant Black Swan, but the Academy went with the guy that directed The King's Speech. I was a little perturbed at this, because I thought it was a much more spectacular feat to direct the young cast of Black Swan, with only Portman and Hershey as seasoned actors, in a complicated and unnerving plot, than to direct The King's Speech, with its cast of mega-talent and its no-surprises plot. I think a movie like The King's Speech could almost direct itself, and should have been awarded only for writing, art direction, and acting. Portman won for acting, but I was tons more impressed with Aronofsky's masterful interpretation of this complex story.

My favorite acceptance speech came from Randy Newman. He was charming, perfectly self-deprecating, and thankful. I loved it.

Between the awards and the show itself, I have to degrade my own writing by summing it up as blah. I do have suggestions, but have little faith they'll be rewarded. Firstly, I do believe that the Awards are better hosted by a comedian. And I enjoy when that comedian can fully accept the role as host, who has the difficult job of balancing an act which generates enthusiasm for the program as well as makes fun of it. I think Justin Timberlake is a possible candidate, as well as Neil Patrick Harris. I even still like Billy Crystal and Robin Williams, although they are less than relevant at this point. Also, I'm not sure that there need to be so many introductions. Let's cut out the pointless host introducing the actor who introduces the actor. I'm also willing to forgo the performances of all the songs up for an Oscar. No more strange montages, unless there is way to make them relevant to the rest of the show, or to the moment at hand. I still love the memorial montage. And I like it when last year's award winners award the winners this year. I don't know what to do about acceptance speeches that run over. Public speaking is difficult, and it's hard to pay attention to a clock. I can only recommend that anyone nominated prepare. It's the only way you aren't going to get played out.

I love movies, and fancy Hollywood stuff, and I'll always watch the Oscars. Still, I would like a simplified version, and a funny, relevant host. For now, I'm still a little miffed and underwhelmed, but happy to do it again next year.