Mostly I'm scared to death that I will be judged by a panel of instructors as infuriating as my current American Literature professor, who seems to delight in (figuratively) slapping me around. I mean the guy is a real sadist. I mean a "real" sadist because he conceals his penchant for inflicting insults with a veneer of affable cameraderie. We have a fine relationship in class, but when writing to each other (like in essays/feedback and emails) we seem to live on other planets and I seem to be speaking a made-up language. I already wrote about my essay on modernism; heck, I even posted it for you. I got it back, and on the exam (which consists of the essay plus a 30 question test) I ended up earning an A- (27/30 on the multiple choice -- some of the assigned readings weren't in my edition of the anthology so I had to guess -- and a 3.66 GPA for essay) so the grade is not the problem; it's the comments on the paper.
I write:
William Faulkner and Ernest Hemingway are two writers of this period whose fiction contains examples of modernist characteristics such as stream of consciousness narrative, multiple and unreliable narrators, as well as narrative and characters that use language to commute around a topic without discussing it directly; this commonly referred to as Hemingway’s theory of omission. These writers used their special ability with these techniques to promote ideas and experiences of alienation.
and he comments, "Is this another trait? If not, why discuss it? It's not true across the board."
I write:
However, it was unfamiliar territory for writers like Faulkner and Hemingway, who would come to master stream of consciousness writing in their careers. Modernists used stream of consciousness to alienate characters from their setting and the action occurring around them, and expose the rift in characters’ interrelatedness.
he comments, "Stream of consciousness is a technique -- it's a narrative technique if fiction, but not a way of writing. They don't use it to alienate characters -- I've got no clue why you're alluding to alienation here or trying to force this generaliztion, which isn't true..."
Me:
William Faulkner's novel As I Lay Dying is comprised amost fully of stream of consciousness writing and maintains the theme of isolation.
he comments, with lines drawn and words circled, "...not true...not writing -- "narration"...This statement isn't an answer to the questions why is here here?"
I write -- strictly from my notes this time, reciting almost VERBATIM what he told us in class:
In addition to stream of consciousness narrative and omission, “Snows” utilizes multiple narrators to add to the theme of separation. At the end of the story, when Harry is facing death, his narrative breaks off and a new one takes it place. This new narrative contains no stream of consciousness writing, and doesn’t appear to be in the cynical voice of Harry, the original narrator. It describes Harry being rescued by someone he knows, and being airlifted out of his camp
His note? "This is quite a stretch? Leave it at F's novel to exemplify what multiple narrators are?"
I simply cannot communicate with this instructor. I was at least attempting to frame modernist techniques with the (weak, but recommended) theme of alienation, and he comments that there was no need, when he had, in fact, emailed me that I would have to discuss how these techniques related to a modernist theme. Plus, the idea that these techniques explore the theme of alienation was taken directly from my notes of his lecture. We might as well be speaking a different language. I got an A- on the essay, but I actually feel ashamed of the grade, because his comments indicate that my paper is totally meaningless, and that I can't follow directions. Why would you give that kind of a paper an A? This has to have been the worst class I have ever taken. How can you get American lit wrong? I've heard that the instructor I'm taking for American Lit I in the Spring is an awesome teacher. I'm so glad to get this semester at DH over with I'm about to dissolve into a pile of ashes. Then it's onward to Syntax (a class I desperately need to take and inscribe every facet of into my brain), and the History Western Civilization, which is just going to make me mad. I mean what is it? Egyptians, Sumerians, Byzantines, Greeks, Romans, Britons, Americans? They're all a bunch of jerks. Whatever. I'm PMS -- some more scarlet letters to add to this depressing rant.
5 comments:
First, you should know that there are jerks and incompetents on the faculty at every college and university. Sometimes, you get both traits in one unattractive package. Don't let that deter you from finding the good ones to work with at every campus.
Second, you should consider this about paying for grad school. Most of us (well, many of the ones that I know) had our tuition covered because we were also working as TAs at the same time. I didn't pay any tuition at USC until I started work at Fullerton and stopped working in what was then called the Freshman Writing Program. Same was true at Mississippi State. (And we got a salary, small though it might have been, each month to help us a little bit with expenses.) I fully expect you too will not have to worry as much about "footing the bill" as you think. The books, however, will continue to cost too much money, regardless of any other factors.
Third, your husband is an incredibly supportive fellow. I think he understands the situation. It is "for richer, for poorer," right? The "poorer" is only temporary.
Finally, you should be thinking beyond just a master's degree. You should be enrolling in a Ph.D. program. That's going to be perhaps a few more than four semesters. I'm very glad that you're at least considering my alma mater. I do think you would love it there, and there are some really great faculty members on board. I realize that SOMEONE ELSE (e.g., Blythe) may disagree, but USC is a good school for graduate study. And it is particularly strong in American literature and culture. And there's a lot of interesting cross-disciplinary work going on there now. And...well, you don't need me to keep selling it.
Good luck in your decision. Enjoy.
Thanks for the support. In truth, I thought the paper was dreadful, and I'm very relieved that the class is over. I hope I won't have to take that professor again. The Literary Criticism course that I had such trouble with ended up being my favorite class, and I really like the instructor that taught it. He was a little stiff in the beginning, but once he opened up I really liked his personality. I think I get to work with him again in the Fall, for African American Poetry and Drama.
Work...and go to school? That sounds serious. The grad program at USC is strictly a Ph.D. program (although if you chicken out you can leave with a Masters Degree). And yes, Blythe does detest USC (for reasons I have yet to fully comprehend -- she seems to be under the impression that it is a breeding ground for douchey scholars who are self-important and ultimately uninteresting), but that didn't stop me from slumming it at DH (I kind of see her point now).
I think Blythe is probably basing her judgment on the people she knows from USC, but since that includes me, I have to wonder if she thinks that I'm self-important and ultimately uninteresting. Hmm.
Most of us worked at TAs while in grad school. You usually take only two classes a semester in grad school, and the training that you will hopefully get as a TA (depending upon where you go, of course) will be invaluable for you when you go on the job market.
There is also another possibility. There are scholarships and fellowships for grad students, even in English. Perhaps you will receive one of those, and the financial issue won't be as powerful.
All I know is you should definitely take the chance. It will be worth it.
HOLD YOUR HORSES PEOPLE! USC has an excellent grad school and one of my VERY DEAREST FRIENDS from college went to the USC School of Journalism. Another very dear friend just finished her undergraduate degree there. I have NEVER slammed USC's graduate programs nor the students who attend them!! And I LOVE JOE! And that's not just 'cause I want some pies.
The reason I hate USC is quite juvenile. Back in the day (early 80's) USC's UNDERGRADUATES had quite the reputation for being rich but too stupid to get into a decent private school, so off they went to the "University of Spoiled Children." When I worked at Sparklett's Water, filling phone orders for water, these kids from USC would call all the time wondering why their water hadn't been delivered to their dorm rooms...Plus USC has always promoted itself as being an excellent choice for those interested in business success due to its "connections" and all its fabulous alumni. The pursuit of material goods and using connections to get them always rubbed me the wrong way, especially back in the 1980's when EVERYBODY seemed to be buying into that crap. So that's why I never liked USC. BUT USC's reputation for undergraduate education has improved a lot over the last 20 years, so I guess I have to quit slamming them. But schools do have a "culture" to them, and I just never liked USC. Nor did I like Stanford for that matter, for similar reasons.
OKAY on to the professor. I read his comments three times. I understand YOUR writing. I do NOT understand his comments. I keep trying to figure out what he means. For F***'s sake, what is the difference between "a form of writing" and "narrative style" or whatever that tiny distinction he was trying to force was. I completely and totally do not understand him. I am starting to suspect one of two things: I am stupid OR this guy actually doesn't really know what he's talking about....And his tone is really nasty, I agree. You'll get some of that in grad school; Joe's right -- you have to seek out and work with people who support you and offer constructive criticism. There's plenty of us (that includes me and joe!)
Lastly, I didn't pay for grad school; I got a TA ship; if you get into a grad program for a Ph.D., most people get TA'ships and don't have to pay tuition.
Go into a Ph.D. program. You can always "chicken out" and get the MA!
I'm just glad it's over. Isn't it confounding, how the blind arrogance of stupid people can make you question your own ability? Plus, his favorite writer is James Joyce. Eeeesh.
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